Eureka!

Day: Cruisin'. Nirvana cranked up loud.

Sunset.


rest well, dear...


Evening: An inspiring, one-sided encounter in a public parking lot.


Night: Another note to self --

"All crew members report for duty. The Captain has had an epiphany and she will be retiring to the holodeck shortly. The First Officer will be assuming command of the ship. All crew members will now report for duty."


It happened! It finally happened and it's the real deal. I was in a parking lot today. I was waiting in the car while the husband and the kids made a 'quick' trip into the local HellMart (I don't like it in there). A woman approached with her shopping cart. She looked confused for a moment, like she thought my car was her own. Then she kept going to a nearly identical car parked a little farther down.
:-)

In that split second, when she looked like she thought she had the right car, but before the realization that she didn't, the curtain rose on the stage that lives in my mind. The lights came on. I saw it. I saw the opening scene of my new story! Yes, it opens in a parking lot. What if the wrong car turned out to be the right one? I feel something. I feel an incredibly supportive strength in one of the characters in this opening scene. I'm going for a ride now. This is it.
I will fly...

They're not dead, they're simply at rest.

A song on the radio made me think of some of my favorite fictional characters recently. I love these characters, I really do, but after I lost the stomach for that particular story, I realized more about what the problem was. There was intense conflict, but I lost faith in a palatable resolution. This story and its characters were left lacking. Yes, they were really backed into a corner and I didn't trust that I had what I needed to get them out in a way that would have sat well in my mind. Truth? I got scared. Maybe it's really that simple. I might finish the story one day, but I think I can write something else now. Maybe this is my official 'farewell for now' to this one.

The expected hero of that piece was a man named Paul, with the other main character, Violet, seeming the more challenged of the two. The problem? Paul could barely save himself. Violet seemed to put forth an effort that at least had a chance of facilitating an eventual escape from danger, however precarious, but her situation was just too wrenching. I began to feel the terror and the despair of this situation in myself while writing the story. I couldn't get these two out of their respective, but intertwined messes. That's because Violet's mess was just a little bit too much like one of my own. I hadn't been able get myself out of it, so... how could I get a character out of it? I would be less likely to encounter this same mess today, but if I did, it might go down just the way that it did. Maybe that is what drove me away from the story. The awful realization of the seeming inevitability... Some things can't be changed and it somehow seemed wrong to try to wave my magic pen and make it all go away. I don't know how to do that. I have something inside me that keeps a certain level of integrity in my fiction. I would override that at my own peril. The only choice left was... one I wasn't ready to write.

Note to self: I'm sorry I couldn't save you. I can't change the past. You saw me try, right? My hand went through you like you were smoke. That sort of thing happens in time travel stories that tinker with the laws of physics. There was nothing more I could do for you that you didn't eventually end up doing for yourself. I'm sorry I couldn't write the rest. That doesn't mean I don't care about what happened to you, it means I understand how terrible it really was.

L


Perhaps one day I will acquire the inner tools to sit through the completion of this story. Until then, Paul and Violet, may you rest in peace. Especially you, Violet.

I think I'm ready for a new story.

A Little Bit Closer

Today has been a day of nervous anxiety. I channeled it into cleaning up some things that I have been procrastinating. Last week was a productive one. I am beginning to see a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel of overwhelm. That's a good thing because I still have a story banging around in my head. I have even discussed it with my husband (a very honest critic!) and he likes it. I even jotted down a few notes! Perhaps anxiety can soon transform into excitement. (And maybe it already is.)

A few more things to take care of and then

...I can write

...I can breathe a little deeper

...and one day very soon



...I will fly again.

Child Time

The two photos below are inseparable to me. They belong together. I took them last spring, but they will never be old. Not really. I was inspired to post them here today by this post here.

Time is a favorite topic of mine in a love/ hate kind of way. Sometimes it bothers me that I end up, usually inadvertently, writing so much about it. Especially since it is such an abstract concept.

The Perfect Introductory Meme

I got this Meme, 'The Writer', from Marie at Deep Thinker. Thanks, Marie.


What’s the last thing you wrote?
A short story about two lovers and a decision they make on the possible eve of apocalypse.

Was it any good?
I think so.

What’s the first thing you wrote that you still have?
A poem that wouldn't let me sleep until I got up and wrote it down. I had no idea what it meant until fifteen years later.

Write poetry?
Yes.

Angsty poetry?
Yes.

Favourite genre of writing?
Thriller.

Most fun character you ever created?
A likeable, but somewhat clueless airhead who aspires to great things only to realize they are already front and center.

Most annoying character you ever created?
The real question here would be, "Annoying to whom?" I'm not particularly annoyed by any of them. However, there have been a couple of characters who were annoying to their fellow characters. One of note would be a very meddlesome time traveler.

Best plot you ever created?
A time travel story.

How often do you get writer’s block?
Ha! I have it right now.

Write fan fiction?
No.

Do you type or write by hand?
I used to write by hand. Now I type. I only write by hand if I have an idea and I'm away from my computer.

Do you save everything you write?
Yes.

Do you ever go back to an old idea long after you abandoned it?
Yes. I keep the beginning pages of possible novels as story ideas.

What’s your favourite thing that you’ve written?
A four page beginning to a novel. It reads like a middle. I like it.

Do you ever show people your work?
Mostly just my husband.

Did you ever write a novel?
Yes. I have one completed and one near completion, among other things.

Ever written romance or teen angst drama?
No.

What’s your favourite setting for your characters?
Mysterious and foreboding locations.

How many writing projects are you working on right now?
I'm not yet actively back to work.

Do you want to write for a living?
Ask me again when my mid-life crisis is over!

Have you ever won an award for your writing?
No. I did enter a competition once, though. It was exciting and quite motivating. I've also begun Nano twice. That was also motivating, even though I did not finish.

Ever written something in script or play format?
No, but I do have a very bizarre screenplay bouncing around in here. I think Rob Zombie would seriously dig it. :-)

What are your 5 favourite words?
Favorite? This seems open to interpretation to me, so I will list these things for their own reasons:
1) THAT - It is not a favorite word because I like it. I suppose it could be called a 'favorite' because I can't seem to stop myself from scattering superfluous 'thats' throughout my sentences. I'm getting better about it, though.
2) This is a very difficult question, and I can only think of two more points on the subject from my perspective.
3) I am fascinated by the F word. I don't use it much in my work (almost never), but if you think about it, it is a very versatile word. It can be a noun, a verb, an adjective; it can be just about anything, yet one always knows exactly what is meant by its context. It both makes and breaks the rules of grammer. Fascinating.
4) I like to make up my own word on a rare occasion. Example: Yardly. As in those things which pertain to the maintenance of one's lawn and garden.

Do you ever write based on yourself?
I think nearly all writers do that to some extent, even if they are not consciously aware of it.

What character have you created that most resembles yourself?
Almost all of them represent me in some capacity. It would be too difficult to single out one.

Do you favour happy endings, sad endings, or cliff-hangers?
I like endings that feel just or true in some way. Though I don't mind a certain amount of cliff-hanging. Especially if it is not intended to be followed by a sequel.

Have you written based on an artwork you have seen?
I wouldn't say I have written 'based on' artwork, but I have written inspired by artwork.

Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?
Yes. I can't help it.

Does music help you write?
It can help to inspire or soothe, before or after the fact, but it can be a bit of an annoyance to me while I am at the keyboard.

Quote something you’ve written.
Mara stood in front of her empty store and watched the foot traffic in the mall, trying to gauge the difference of the day. But for an occasional outburst from a distressed individual, people seemed more subdued than usual. The throng of shoppers that would normally crowd the building had thinned to fewer than the average number, that much was apparent. There was something else, too, but it was not a tangible thing. Sometimes, Mara felt it as people rushed by. The feeling had been intensifying as the day wore on. It was the beginning of a mostly quiet urgency that emanated from people in waves. Even with this palpable difference, things appeared normal in the mall. Perhaps some distant onlooker, with no information about the current situation, might not understand that anything was amiss. She wondered where Sherry was now, what she was doing. Did she feel it, too?

The End of a Long Interruption?

I've been on an extended hiatus from fiction writing. The stirrings have come and gone, but they are quite pronounced now. There is a feeling that comes to roost before the writing must begin. Any naturally inclined fiction writer who has taken any kind of leave probably knows what I'm talking about. The inner nagging started a few weeks before NaNoWriMo back in November, but I wasn't really ready then. Am I ready now? I'm not sure, but there is the feeling...

So now, I am looking around, trying to decide what things I can do to feel ready. There is a bit of personal stress that I can't get rid of, but what about the things that I can fix up a bit? I went through a readying process in November before my aborted attempt at NaNo. I went through a continuing version of it while writing previous novels as well. The now-predictable pattern went something like this: Spend most of my available time writing for a few weeks. Gradually get a little behind on a few things. Take a break for a few days or a week or so to restore my life, home, desk, etcetera to normal operational levels before resuming. This is where I laugh a bit. I won't exactly be starting at what I would call a normal operational level. Life during the writing hiatus was too chaotic for anything like that! Since my failed 'comeback' in November, I have realized that if I wait until I have normal operational levels to start this time, I might be waiting until I'm an old lady!

I'm not sure what I will be posting here in the next few weeks or months, but I have a feeling that what I post will help me to find my way back to my stories.